i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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