well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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