ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
