i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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