sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
