sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
