I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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