I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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