If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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