there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
