Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
