She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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