I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
