Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
