you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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