I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
too bad you live with your parents still
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
