i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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