That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
