Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
