Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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