this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
