Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
