Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
