Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
