Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
