puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You are a genius and a whore.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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