the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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