he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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