can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
