I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
