he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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