We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
