I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
