I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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