Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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