im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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