we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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