it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
