3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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