Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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