Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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