how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
