I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
