im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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