Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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