I wanna passion pit in your ass
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
