WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're earring is so big in my mouth
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
