I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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