Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize