i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
