So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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