I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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