Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
