and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
