spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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