You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
