the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
