did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
