like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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