I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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