I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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